20 May 2022 - How do we know this is a real religion?

Good day and may the holy Cucumber bless you! 

Our church has been recognised as strictly a real, valid and legitimate religion as of this date. We would like to use this space to inform you that we took the necessary steps to properly and legally start a proper, traditional and grassroots organised beliefs group. Our application to the Registrar General to officially establish a religion was accepted and granted after a special official ceremony. 

We gathered dozens of people from all around the country, from all four corners and from all walks of life for what was a long-awaited celebration and a meeting that did go far beyond the limits of simple words. 

We believe that, with this, we are finally established and official. We are ready to tackle the legal side of this beautiful and holy path, standing firm in all of our actions, be they legal, illegal, moral and immoral. 

Following our application to be recognised as an official religion and to ensure further steps on an independent path, we have successfully registered our articles of faith and a whole load of paperwork listing our values and how we think all of you should behave in the public sphere. Rule, light and cucumber over chaos!

Cucumber Bless Us.

21 May 2022 - Declaration of Independence

First and foremost, Welcome! If you are reading this, then you should be aware that you are standing at the gates of Mighty Cucumber! We open these gates for you to walk freely and find the true path in life.

This is a place where you can find freedom in your strange and unusual life. You can learn awesome things and engage with a bunch of deeply fantastic people who will help you become who you want to be and get to where you want to be.

This is a place where you don't have to be afraid, where you don't have to be judged and where you learn through experiences that only unusual people can have, by starting new and exciting things and daring to lead the way.

Try new things! Take a chance on new and unknown, take on life with courage and an open mind and never forget to be kind and spread the cucumber love so that all people can find the love they are looking for in life.

Don't let anything between us and the cucumber, let us be one and follow the path without fail. Any person, indeed any legal entity, may join our intentions with honour and loyalty, with the sole aims of protecting the church's independence, the sacrosanctity of the cucumber and of the followers of Mighty Cucumber and of carrying on what we started together.

Our Congregation is a genuine necessity for society as it provides people with a platform through which to change the world for the better, to show people that a balanced way to live life is one where you don't have to let the media's common opinion tell you that you have to put cucumbers in your hats!

Our congregation is made up of people with different tastes, different preferences and different beliefs, which is one of our greatest strengths. After all, the real task is to be kind and have the right intentions and Mighty Cucumber is here to do just that! As of this day, I hereby declare this to be the true holy path, right before our eyes!

I promise that as long as I try to lead our congregation, I will remember what this institution stands for and will try to spread the love and make all people understand they need to live life to the fullest. That is our dream and that is what this church is about. This church that we love so much will not be turned into anything but the road for everyone to find the plan of the divine cucumber.

22 May 2022 - The Cucumber Tithes

The Church of the Mighty Cucumber is now able to accept cucumber tithes! If you would like to make a cucumber offering to the church, please bring your cucumbers to the nearest cucumber altar. The altar attendants will be happy to receive your offering and bless you in return.

All cucumbers offered to the church must be freshly picked and of the highest quality. Only cucumbers that meet these standards will be accepted as tithes.

Thank you for your support of the Church of the Mighty Cucumber!

23 May 2022 - Brink of Financial Ruin

Despite our careful preparations, the damage was too widespread, too intrusive to recover from in the aftermath. People were hurt, buildings destroyed and friendships lost along the way.

It all started with that one crazy morning that we all thought was just another Sunday closer to the next Friday.

When the doors of church finally opened around mid-day, a silent shock filled the air. Half the congregation was missing, a few were bruised and a few others were lying on the ground and appeared to be lifeless.

The remaining few sat around on their blankets, sheltered and protected in the corner.

We closed the doors in a way that looked like a massive funeral. That was just the start and we only realised the scale of the chaos later that night, when we realised how many people were left without their cucumber-loving family members and friends.

We met on Monday, to speak about and for everyone who was left without cucumbers in their life. After the meetings, meetings and meetings to piece together some sort of logical explanation of how this all happened, the word got out and things went way out of hand and calmness was lost.

Many of us were willing to fight back and try to fill the gap with proper cucumber talents and great deeds, whilst others only saw anger, whines and hurt, from those who lost their loved ones.

We went back to our lives as cucumber lovers, knowing that this is just a ride and that we should always be good cucumber worshipers. Now, with a new wave of hope, we wait, knowing that this was a right path and that we should get to where we want, no matter how many cucumber saviours and messiahs are waiting on the road to follow, and we can always use the cucumber part of ourselves, the cucumber we added to our life and reflect on the journey back to our roots.

They say we live life forwards, but never know how it really came to unfold. Our focus soon went back to how we could recover and move on following the devastating consequences of the events that we all witness and that we all knew, but never saw coming.

A chill has filled the air, we are alone again and need to live together. The time for following one faith and seeing the glory of the cucumber has passed. Now it is all about the balance between all true believers, taking life on its golden organic way. Forgive and forget! Forgetting what life brought, but with a constant run of fear of another fake prophecy that could have us together for all time!

So for now we pray, but the real soothsaying is when you'll say: That was a brilliant yet painful journey.

Have your cucumber with a smile and positive energy, until way after the end of universe.

Love and cucumber,

Fairwinds,

the Priest and the Friar of your church.